11.26.07
The Blue Collar Comedy Group
Probably my favorite comedy group, the Blue Collar Comedy Group has spanned three hilarious movies, numerous unforgettable quotes, and several conversations. It’s members include my favorite, Bill Engvall, Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, and Jeff Foxworthy. There are probably some out there who say, “Well their nothing but a bunch of rednecks.” That may be true, but if you can sit through any of their specials without even chuckling, you aren’t human. Here is some of the funniest material from each of the comedians.
Bill Engvall
(mimicking a big fish talking to a little fish) “Hey - Perch…” (points at his eyes, then at the imaginary perch’s) “Look at me…” (thinks, concedes, then points at the sides of his head where a fish’s eyes would be) “Look at me…” - oh, I’ve thought it all through - “if you ever see a worm… in the shape of a J… swim away. That’s how we lost your Uncle Pike.”
Like, the other day she brought home a friend who’s into this goth stuff. Oh my God! Have you seen these little freaks? What happened?! With the black nail polish, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black hair, and Liquid Paper-white face. . . I’m sorry, didn’t we used to call that “Halloween”??
She came to the door with my daughter, and I did this: [Bill cracks up laughing and points] But, I’m trying to be nice to her because she’s my daughter’s friend. My daughter says, “Daddy, this is my friend, Lucy.” I said, “Well, hey Lucy. . .fer.” She looked at me like, “I will set you ablaze right now.”
Jeff Foxworthy
The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up… until the day you got the security deposit back. You’re arguing with the landlord… “No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!”
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, “You know what? We’re all right. We’re dang near royalty!”
The problem with the designated driver program is it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house, preferably in their boss’s front yard… But it’s better than the system we used to use: “Hey dude, get up! Give us a ride home, man! C’mon, whaddaya say? We’ll buy ya a beer!”
You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don’t even have “testiculars”!
Do you know why it’s so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… ‘Cause there’s no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
Ron White
I never had much of a vocabulary. In fact, my friend Bob Schnieder would still be alive today if I’d known the difference between “antidote” and “anecdote”. He got bitten by a copperhead, and I’m telling him funny stories out of Reader’s Digest. His head started to swell, I said “This ain’t working”. He goes, “READ FASTER!!”
nolanator said,
November 26, 2007 at 6:17 pm
I love the Blue Collar Comedy Tour! I have all 3 movies plus books and other stuff by the comics. I was going to go see one of their shows before thay stopped touring but tickets were $95 a piece.