07.17.07
Kevin James:Sweatin’ The Small Stuff
 
Because I am so clever, and that I realize that I my Comics categoryis dying fast, I’ve decided to reinvent this category, now referring to comedians, not comic books! So, here we go.
Kevin James, an extremely funny comedian whose material is mostly clean and original, recently had a one hour stand up special on Comedy Central, where he described how the little things in life bugged him. In this new category, I will talk like a general overview of the special (above) and some of his funniest moments. I will paraphrase when possible.
- New York has some great delis (applause) yea, althoughit always seems I’m behind the guy that’s ordering for his entire construction crew. “Yea, I’ll have 96 ringdings, 57 bags of Funyuns, 42 coffees…..Ahhhhhhhhhh……”.
- I love pizza, but the thing is I hate having to share with other people. You know when you come down to the last few slices you have to do that pizza math! Okay, he’s already had two slices, he should be out…What is she still doing here? She should have been out minutes ago! And then there are the last two slices, like one’s enormous and one’s really tiny, like the guy with the pizza cutter got to excited, like “Hey, here’s you pizzzzzzaaaaa, there you go!”.
- My girlfriend really gets on my nerves…..Yea, she’ll go to a movie opening night with her friends, then she’ll take me to go see it if she likes it. She’ll be tapping me during the movie, saying Watch this, this is good. I’m a guy sitting in a chair in front of a huge screen, what else am I doing? (Covers up his eyes, makes puppet in front of eyes, etc.). Then she’ll get mad at me. Later, we’ll get out to the car, and it seems as soon as I try to pull the switch on my door to unlock her door, she trys to open it. That goes on for about AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!!! click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click click-click LET GO OF THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Recently I tryed to go on vacation. Yea, I got to the travel agent line, and you know there’s so much pressure on you, you know everyone behind you is wanting to go on vacation, everybody looks at you, “Your next, your next!”. Eventually you get up there and the travel agent is so impatient, and I can’t find her! Everyone’s yelling, she’s saying “Sir i’m looking right at you!” THAT”S NOT HELPING ME!!!!!! Eventually you find her and her questions make you feel really smart-Sir, did you pack your bags? No, a Pakistanian named Phil packed up for me. Sir do you know what’s in your bags?…………………………………………………………………….No, no, I tied my hands up and packed using my feet… I’m thinking hotdogs and gunpowder.
- Recently I was in a hotel and in an elevator, and there were other people on there with me, and when they got to my floor I immediately moved to the front to get off, only the door didn’t open instanly , so now I’m embarrassed, too much to step back. And sometimes I go ahead and accidentally get out on the worng floor. And the people inside the elevator know you messed up. They look at you “Sure you don’t wanna get back in?” No, no, no, I wanted the basement, I’m gonna get a towel bin here, get me some towels…..-GO, GO, LEAVE!!!!!!!